Cindy Hide:
Welcome to Love, Money and the Law. My name is Cindy Hide, and our subject is sperm banks and in-vitro fertilization, the state of affairs in the United States. My guest today is Tabitha Charlton. She's giving her personal story and also some insights into the state of affairs in this country, and particularly in Texas.
Cindy Hide:
So tell us first how you became familiar with the subject of in-vitro fertilization.
T Charlton:
So I have twin girls who were conceived using in-vitro fertilization and a sperm bank.
Cindy Hide:
You are here to share a little bit about the state of affairs, with respect of what's happening in this industry. So, it's my understanding that the entire industry is not regulated. Correct?
T Charlton:
Outside of some of the Food and Drug Administration, they have some policies in place that require disease testing. But beyond that, there's really no regulation in the United States of sperm banks.
Cindy Hide:
If I'm interested in having this process done, first of all, explain what it exactly means. What is in-vitro fertilization, number one?
T Charlton:
Right. So, well, first of all, you can use a sperm bank, you don't always have to do in-vitro fertilization. So, I have friends who have purchased sperm from a sperm bank and they've become pregnant at home. You can have the sperm sent to you at home. Some sperm banks will mail it to you in the tank to your home, some require that you go through a physician.
T Charlton:
In-vitro fertilization, specifically, is where ... you know, I had a procedure where they harvested my eggs, they extracted them, then they, in a Petri dish, they put the sperm and the egg together, and then they stay in a Petri dish for five days, some three days, five days, seven days. Then they transfer them back once they've determined which ones are viable.
Cindy Hide:
All right. So the first thing you have to do is pick the sperm donor, right?
T Charlton:
Yes.
Cindy Hide:
So that's where the sperm bank selection comes in, first of all. So how did you go about finding the sperm bank, first, that you wanted to work with, and that you felt comfortable, with respect to who the donor was?
T Charlton:
Right. Well, Google, first of all, I started there. But once I started reading about the process and learning how sperm banks work and what your options are, I narrowed my choices down to three different sperm banks. What was important to me, is that I wanted to work with a sperm bank that offered ID release donors. That means, generally, that the donors are willing to be known, or at least to have the sperm bank provide their contact information upon the child's 18th birthday.
So I thought that was important. If my daughters decided not to contact the donor, that's their prerogative, but at least I'm giving them the choice. I wanted it to be their decision, whether they wanted to make that contact, and so that was important to me. But it was important that the sperm bank, that they had donors available that fit the criteria I was searching for. Because I'm an only parent, I wanted my children to feel like they belong to my family and they resemble us. So I picked a donor who shared the characteristics of both of my parents.
Cindy Hide:
So, talk a little bit about that process. I mean, what does that mean? When you pick a donor, do you look in a book? I mean, do you see some history about this person? And how do you know that's even valid?
T Charlton:
Well, that's one of the issues that we have in this country, that we don't know that it's valid, we hope that it is. But the process…
Cindy Hide:
So, I'm going to stop you there. So when someone is donating sperm, they'll go to a sperm bank, and I assume, fill out some information about themselves. But is that verified or not?
T Charlton:
It depends on the sperm bank. To a great extent, no it's not. They can say anything they like about their parents' characteristics, their siblings' characteristics. Even really for that matter, if they're educated, if they received a degree, what their personality traits are. A good sperm bank will spend some time with that donor getting to know them, and will also try to verify their degrees and things like that, but certainly it's not required. There's no legislation, there are no statutes or laws in place that require the sperm banks to do that. So, you're kind of a hope and a prayer.
Cindy Hide:
So that's part of the criteria, I guess you would say, that because there's no regulation, you're really never 100% sure about the donor that you're selecting. It's completely subjective and optional, with respect to the information they provide.
T Charlton:
Right. So that was one of the other criteria that was important to me, is that I wanted to be able to see photographs of the donor at different stages of life, and if possible, have an audio recording. I wanted as much information about the donor as I could possibly acquire.
Cindy Hide:
That varies between sperm banks, is that right?
T Charlton:
It does, it does. So, the sperm bank that I ultimately chose is located in another state, they're in Georgia, and they provided all of the information I have chosen, an identity release donor. I was able to see photographs of him from baby, all the way to college age, which is the age he was when he was donating. He did not have an audio recording, but he wrote a story, a personal essay, about his life and why he chose to become a donor. So there was a lot of information that he provided that I felt gave me some comfort in who he was. There's certainly been instances and cases where donors provided information and that information ultimately turned out to be incorrect. So that's always a concern. I mean, these are our children, and that's why it's so important that we have some regulations in place.
Cindy Hide:
So, are there any limitations, with respect to how much of a sperm can be used for other prospective parents?
T Charlton:
No, not in the United States. Many countries do regulate the number of families per donor, the United States does not.
Cindy Hide:
In your case, what's happened? Can you say a little bit about your personal circumstance?
T Charlton:
Sure. So, when I purchased the vials in the fall of 2009, there was a reported pregnancy, but no reported births as of yet. That's another issue, in that in the United States you're not required to report a birth, there's no requirement. So, if the sperm banks are only recounting the births that are reported to them, there could be countless other births that are not reported.
T Charlton:
So, at the time I purchased in the fall of 2009, there were no reported births. My children were not conceived until three years later in the fall of 2012, and by then, we had already just about reached the maximum that the bank had given me. I think actually we had reached the maximum that the sperm bank had given to those of us who had already had children or were in the process of having children giving birth. So again, you come back to that issue of counting.
T Charlton:
I was originally told 18 was the limit. Today, just in the group that I'm part of, of the mothers who are willing to be known, and we've created this group of donor siblings whom we call diblings. There are approximately 40 families in our group, and just over 60 kids.
Cindy Hide:
With the same donor?
T Charlton:
Yes.
Cindy Hide:
So how did you find each other, I mean, on Facebook? But how do you go about even beginning to find ...
T Charlton:
Again, I go back to Google. I Googled my donor's ID number and it brought me to the Donor Sibling Registry.
Cindy Hide:
So there is such a thing?
Cindy Hide:
OK
T Charlton:
Yes.
Cindy Hide:
Is that a voluntary-
T Charlton:
It is. It was not started by any of the sperm banks.
Cindy Hide:
Okay. So none of the sperm banks participate in that necessarily?
T Charlton:
Not that registry. Right, not necessarily.
Cindy Hide:
Okay. So the only way of really knowing is independently.
T Charlton:
My sperm bank has since developed a portal where you can sign in, and those who are willing to have their name and identity released, we can log in and see that information. Also, the donor could choose to have his identity released before our children turn 18.
Cindy Hide:
So what are some of the advantages or disadvantages with disclosure of this particular issue, on both sides?
T Charlton:
Right. For my daughter's sake, I think it was really important to me that they had the opportunity to be able to identify the other half of their DNA, to know where they came from, some of their traits, obviously they're not 100% me. So already, they're only five, and I already see things that doesn't remind me of anyone in my family, you know, "Where did she get that?"
So, I think that was a big part, is I never wanted them to feel like half of themselves was missing or not be able to identify with someone. I knew the donor would not, at the earliest, be identified until they were 18. So, it was really important to me when I found out that there were diblings, that we make that connection. It's been wonderful being able to watch all of the kids who are close in age, they're all within four or five years apart. To be able to watch them grow and share characteristics and learn things.
For instance, my daughter was born with congenital ptosis, which is an issue, it looks like sleepy eye, you know, where an eyelid wouldn't lift. Well, it turns out some of the other kids in the group were also born ... you know, and that's not noted in the donor's profile, it's probably not something he was aware of. We can't say for certain that that came from him, but it is a coincidence that several of the children share.
Cindy Hide:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). That is a coincidence. You have here as a note, “Aside from the FDA's regulation that sperm banks perform contagious disease testing, the United States has no national laws regulating sperm, egg or embryo donation. There are no laws requiring genetic testing, limiting the number of families per donor, preventing anonymity of donors, requiring families to report live births, or anything else."
T Charlton:
Right.
Cindy Hide:
I mean, these are serious issues, and something that you might not even think about to ask, so I think this conversation is very important to highlight some of the potential problems even, and doing research when you're looking for a donor.
T Charlton:
Yeah. Well, you can imagine, if you have, just in our group of the children we are aware of when you're talking about over 60 kids. An interesting thing to note about our particular group, is we have approximately 40 families, and all but one, maybe two of the families, are either only moms, single parent moms, or they are lesbian couples. So, there's a tendency for opposite sex couples who use donors to not disclose. So, if we're already at over 60 kids with 40 families, and we are aware, because the bank has told us there are more families, you know, we're thinking that we're probably well over 70 families, and we could be close to 100 children at this point with our one donor.
Cindy Hide:
I wonder why there's such a big difference between same sex couples and opposite sex couples who are having in-vitro or using sperm banks, with respect to disclosure. It makes no sense.
T Charlton:
I'm sure every couple's journey and story is unique to their situation. I only have a point of reference of one friend, and it was a very personal decision for them, and it was a very difficult decision for her and her husband to use a sperm donor. So they've elected not to tell their friends and family that they've used a donor, they will tell their child when it's age appropriate. So obviously, no one knowing, they would not want to be part of our group. They would not be attending the dibling annual reunion that we're going to in New York in August, because they've chosen not to disclose.
Cindy Hide:
So is there anything else that you would like to include in our conversation that we haven't talked about yet, that might be a benefit to someone who's considering this procedure?
T Charlton:
Well, I think it's really important, if you are going to use a sperm donor, to go through a sperm bank. A lot of folks will use a known donor, and that can be very complicated, legally, in terms of parental rights. You'd want to be sure that you hired an attorney and you didn't do any of that on your own. So I would recommend using a sperm bank, just because it's less legally complicated.
Cindy Hide:
So can you touch on what you needed to do? By going through a sperm bank, what are some of the, specifically, the legal documents, the things that you needed to get clarity on? Because I'm sure that's a thought that crosses others' minds about, "Well, we don't need to go through that whole process...maybe not go to the expense." But what are some of the drawbacks by not doing it, let's say in a more formal way?
T Charlton:
Right. So through the sperm bank, all of the legal ... everything was handled through the sperm bank. So there were no additional steps that I needed to take when my daughters were born. So there's no father identified on their birth certificate. When they were three and I went to obtain passports, I didn't have to get parental consent, I was exempt. So, I don't need permission from anyone else, I am their only parent. When you use a known donor, it becomes complicated, because there are parental rights issues in place, and you would need to have extensive contracts in place. Ultimately, you might even be facing a parental rights termination process, which is very difficult to do unless you have another partner in place to adopt the child at the same time. So, for someone who is an only parent and does not have someone in place to take over parental rights for that child, I could see some issues potentially popping up in court if you were to want to terminate those parental rights.
Cindy Hide:
Lots of issues and lots of expenses.
T Charlton:
Yes.
Cindy Hide:
So, in spite of the unregulated nature of the industry, there's still a lot of good reasons to go through a formal company.
T Charlton:
Absolutely. In a way, the sperm banks ...they're a self-regulated industry in a way, they understand that ... You know, for instance, my sperm bank did provide significant genetic testing and that was important to me. They're not required to by law, but they did that. You know, the issue of anonymity, they did provide donors that were willing to be known. So there was some measure of self-regulation, or they understand what's important to the consumer and to the intended parents. The better sperm banks, the more well-known sperm banks, have put some of those procedures in place.
Cindy Hide:
Any idea how many sperm banks there are in the country?
T Charlton:
I have no idea. Like I said, I went with a bank that is located in Georgia. The sperm bank that identifies itself as the largest in the world is located in California. It might be important to point out too that my children, the diblings in the family, they are worldwide. So my children have diblings in Australia, Canada, England. Yeah, so there they are everywhere. That, I guess, provides a little bit of comfort when I'm thinking about this large number of children, that are the half siblings or diblings to my own daughters.
So, it's a unique story. I think for the most part, being an only parent and my daughters being conceived the way they were, most people assume that I am divorced and that there is a father in place. So, there's an assumption. So my daughters do get that question quite often. "Where's your father? Do you have a daddy?" Not understanding the roles of family members and what the different definitions mean. My daughters hear me call my father, dad, or daddy, and so their common answer is, "Yes, we have a daddy, his name is Pa Pa."
So, you know, it's an interesting kind of uncharted territory in our country, and I think that it's working for them. So, while those of us with children of donors would like to see more regulation in place to protect us and the kids, I would definitely recommend using a sperm bank over a known donor or doing it privately.
Cindy Hide:
All right. Thank you, Tabitha Charlton Charlton, very much for being here today and sharing a little bit about your story, and also giving us some insights into the state of affairs in the United States.
If you would like more information about sperm banks or other issues, you may certainly go to our online resources at Love, Money and the Law for this video, and you'll find this also in podcasts.
Cindy Hide:
Thank you. I'm Cindy Hide. Appreciate you joining us today.